


Saviour

by howellight



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Depression, Fluff, Implied Smut, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Misunderstandings, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:12:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 11,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7673131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howellight/pseuds/howellight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell was 13 when he first met Phil Lester.</p><p>He was on vacation with his mother and his brother when Phil saved him from drowning.<br/>Dan thought that true love at first sight was real just from looking into those bright blue eyes.</p><p>Those bright blue eyes that he couldn't get out of his mind.</p><p>Those bright blue eyes that he thought that he would never see again after his vacation ended.</p><p>Even after 7 years, He still thought about that beautiful boy who saved his life.</p><p>He thought that he wouldn't ever see him again.</p><p>But then he did, when Phil saved his life once more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. .one.

+dan+ 13 years old.

"Hey, mum can I go swimming?" Dan gives his mum a pleading look. "Please?"

His mum looks up from her book. "Yeah, sweetheart, just please be careful, the waves are pretty strong today." 

Dan nods. "I will mom, I promise." He gives her a big smile, before he runs off, heading for the ocean.

She shakes her head, chuckling, looking back down at her book.

At first Dan just touches his feet in the water. Then he walks in the water until it reached his collarbone.

Dan is in his own little world, not even paying any attention to his mum as she screams for him to come back onto the beach, But he doesn't listen. 

Dan looks up and sees a huge wave tower over him and then it all goes black.

Then the next thing he sees is these beautiful bright blue eyes staring into his chocolatey brown ones.


	2. .two.

+dan+ 13 years old.

'Beautiful.  
Beautiful is what I first think of, when I get a good look at his face. Just absolutely beautiful.' Dan thinks, getting lost in his own little world.

Then the boy starts speaking to Dan.

"Oh my god, are you okay? You almost drowned.." he trails off.

Dan just smiles in response, nodding his head, not being able to find his voice.

He gives Dan a wide smile.

'I just want to take a picture. He is so beautiful- wait what- I'm not gay.. am i?' Dan thinks.

"You saved m-my life." Were the first words that came out of Dan's mouth.

He nods and opens his mouth to speak, but Dan's mum speaks up. 

"You would have drowned if this boy didn't jump in to save you.." She sniffs.

Dan sits up, looking at his mum. "I should've paid better attention to you, I-" Dan starts to apologize, but his mum cuts him off. 

"Don't you dare blame yourself. Danny, you couldn't control the waves, honey." His mum says sternly, before she gets up from where she was crouching down and walks away to find Dan's brother Adrian.

Dan nods, dropping his head down.  
Dan feels a tap on his shoulder. He looks up to see the boy with beautiful bright blue eyes staring at him with a smile on his face.

"Y-yeah?" Dan asks him.

"What's your name?.. if you don't mind me asking." He gives Dan a small smile.

"I-It's Dan. Yours?" Dan smiles back at him. He sits next to Dan on the sand.

"Phil. Phil Lester." He answers. 'Or beauty boy; I swear to god-' Dan thinks

Dan slaps his forehead with his palm.

Phil gives Dan a confused look. "Dan? You okay?"

Dan blushes, embarrassed.  
"I- yeah, of course" Dan answers Phil. 'I'm so stupid.' Dan thinks

Phil lets out a giggle, covering his mouth once he realises what he did.

"Cute." Dan immediately slaps A hand over his mouth.

A brighter blush spreads across Dan's cheeks.

Phil smiles shyly and blushes shaking his head.

Dan nods, opening his mouth to speak, but his mum interrupts. "Dan, you ready to go back to the hotel and eat?" She asks. Dan bites his lip, nodding. 

"Can Phil come?" Dan gives her a pleading look.

"If his parents are okay with it, then yes, he can." She answers.

"My mum won't mind.. neither will my dad.. they'll probably be too drunk to notice I'm not there anyway.." Phil tells them, playing with his hands sadly.

Dan smiles at him sadly. "Phil-"

Phil gets up. "Lets go." He smiles, helping Dan up.

Dan sighs, smiling at Phil anyways. "Yeah."

Dan's mum smiles. "Come on then." She starts walking towards her car and both of the young boys follow her.


	3. .three.

+Dan+ 13 years old (still)

☆Time skip - to the hotel☆

They all walk into the lobby.

Dan continues to stare at Phil; he did the whole ride back to the hotel too; Phil doesn't mind, he thinks it's pretty sweet.

Dan's mom, Adrian and Phil are all ahead of Dan. 

Dan is too busy staring at Phil to pay attention where he is going and he crashes into a wall. "Ow!" Dan rubs his head.

Phil looks back at dan, trying not to laugh. "You okay dan?" He walks over to him, smiling.

Dan blushes in embarrassment, nodding his head a little. "Y-yeah, i'm okay." He scratches his arm, looking at his feet.

Phil knows that Dan is embarrassed. Phil also knows that when Dan gets all flustered, he is really cute.

Phil thinks that Dan would look absolutely adorable in a flower crown.

He looks and sees that Dan was talking to him the whole time.

Phil is now the flustered one.

"W-What did you say? I'm sorry." Phil asked him shyly, embarrassed that he didn't hear any word that Dan said.

Dan just smiles, shaking his head. "Nothing important, It's okay."

"Tell me- please?" Phil gives him a pouty look. Dan couldn't help but to giggle.

"What's so funny?" Phil whines. Dan grins, trying not to laugh more.

"Nothing. Let's go." Dan chuckles, grabbing Phil's hand and leads him into the hotel room.

"Boys what took you both so long?" Dan's mum asked them.

"Dan hit his head on the wall." Phil shrugs, giggling a bit.

Dan blushes, playing with the string dangling off of his jumper.

Dan's Mum shakes her head, smiling.

"Danny, be careful."

"Okay. I'll try." Dan chuckles.

She just smiles in response.  
"Let's eat, shall we?" She gestured to the table.

Phil smiles and nods, walking to the table and sits down.

"Come on, Danny." Dan's mum pats him on the back and walks to the table.

Dan sighs, walking to the table to eat with them.

~

Dan and Phil hung out alot more through out the rest of the summer. They decided that they were each others best friend and no one could ever replace the other.

Phil ended up buying Dan a pink and white flower crown that looked absolutely perfect on him. Even though Dan tried to tell him that he didn't have to buy it but Phil insisted. Dan didn't complain anymore- he actually loved it. He loved pastel colours.

Phil also bought Dan a mint green jumper because he thought that it would look cute on him.

It did. Phil knew it would.

Like Dan knew that he was gaining a crush on Phil.

That's why Dan cried so much when he had to go back home when summer ended.

He made a promise to himself to never forget those bright blue eyes.

Those bright blue eyes that he fell in love with.

Those bright blue eyes that filled with tears once he heard that Dan had to leave.

Those bright blue eyes that stared into dan's brown ones when Phil saved his life.

Dan calls Phil his saviour because Phil saved his life in more ways than one.

Phil had fallen in love with the flower crowned boy.

He never told Dan because he didn't know how he would react. He didnt want their friendship to be messed up and awkward. He didn't want to ruin everything they had.

Dan was all he had. His parents fought all the time. They didn't even care about if Phil was home most of the time.

They just didn't care about him.

He just felt alone all of the time. Until he met Dan.

Dan just brightened up his life. 

Dan was a perfect little adorable shining star in his eyes.

Phil was definitely heart broken when he heard the news that Dan had to leave to go home.

He cried himself to sleep because he knew that he probably wouldn't ever see Dan again.

But he made a promise to himself to never forget those beautiful brown eyes that made him melt inside. 

Those brown eyes that stared into his dull blue ones when he saved the boy's life.

Those brown eyes that showed complete sadness when Dan told Phil that he had to leave.

Those brown eyes that were filled with tears when Dan cried into Phil's chest, saying that he didn't want to go.

Phil promised himself that Dan Howell won't ever leave his mind.

Phil also promised himself that he won't ever stop loving Dan no matter what.

If you love someone you should let them go, and if it's truly meant to be they'll find their way back to you.


	4. .four.

+dan+ (7 years later)

Even after many years have passed, Dan still can't get those blue eyes out of his head.

He knows that he should just forget Phil, but he just can't.

he still has dreams that he would see Phil again some how.

He wishes that he could just see him one more time.

-

Phil appeared in his dreams again that night.

Of course he had to have a dream about him and Phil, doing not very appropriate things to eachother.

That night was when his brother Adrian was sleeping over also.

So lets just say that Dan got a very rude awakening involving cold water.

"What the hell?!" Dan yells, jumping up out of his sleep.

Adrian just crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What?" Dan narrows his eyes.

Adrian just shakes his head and laughs. "So, who'd you have a wet dream about?"

Dan's face flushes about 50 shades of red.

"I-I- what?" He stutters.

"Who is it? Who's the girl?" Dan flinches at the word 'girl'. Adrian still believes that Dan is straight even though Dan has already told him bunches of times that he is gay. 

Adrian doesn't have a problem with gay people- not at all- he just thinks that Dan was just confused about his sexuality. Which he wasn't.

"Adrian." Dan whines childishly. "I wasn't- I- just let it go." 

Adrian smirks. "Okay- then who is he?" He questions.

Dan just covers his face with his soaked pillow.

His younger brother just laughs at him. "Okay, okay, I'll go."

Dan mumbles 'thank fuck' into his pillow.

\- 

An hour later he is dressed and ready for work. 

Dan mumbles a 'bye' to Adrian before he heads out to go to his job at the bookstore.

He doesn't hate his job, but he doesn't particularly like it either.

He sighs, walking into the bookstore.

"Hiya dan!" His friend Connor says as soon as Dan walks through the door.

"Hey Connor." he mutters.

Connor immediately knows that something is wrong.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"No. Haven't been for awhile." Dan shrugs.

Connor frowns, not bothering to say anymore.

-

Lunch time comes quickly.

Connor puts the closed until 1pm sign on the door, locking it quickly. 

Dan leans against the brick wall, waiting for Connor before he heads to the coffee shop.

"All done!" Connor grins.

Dan and Connor walk down the pavement until they reach their destination.

Connor sighs, opening the door for Dan, letting him walk in first.

Dan mumbles a 'thanks' and walks inside.

He walks up to the counter, ordering him and Connor each a black coffee.

When he gets back to the table, Connor looks at him in suprise.

"Oh- thank you!" He smiles, Not expecting one back.

Dan just nods in response.

-

Dan always leaves lunch early, ahead of connor. 

He mumbles a quiet 'bye' to Connor before he walks out of the small coffee shop.

He starts to walk across the street when he just freezes. He down at know why but he does.

He briefly hears people calling for him to watch out but he doesn't listen.

He suddenly feels a hand wrap around his wrist, pulling him away form the busy street.

He goes to look at the person who saved his life and thank them, but his words get caught in his throat when he sees them.

Those fucking blue eyes.


	5. .five.

×dan× 

Dan doesn't know how to even react.

He never thought that he would ever see Phil again.

"D-Dan..?" He hears Phil ask him.

Dan couldn't help but to let the tears flow down his face.

He also couldn't help to yank his arm out of Phil's grip, taking off down the street.

He hears Phil calling his name.  
He tries to tune him out.

It's not that he didn't ever want to see Phil again. 

Dan is scared. He is scared of falling in love all over again.

He just needs to think.

–

He finds a flower shop and quickly runs into it.

Dan pants, out of breath from running.

A guy walks up to him, tapping his shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" He asks Dan.

Dan nods in response, not being able to speak.

"Are you sure? You look a little out of breath there." 

"Y-yeah.. I'm fine.." Dan stutters out. 

The guy nods, before smiling at Dan.

"I'm Chris. Chris Kendall." The guy now known as 'Chris' holds out his hand that isn't holding a bouquet of lilies.

At first Dan tilts his head, before he gives Chris a small smile and shakes his hand. "Dan. Who's the lucky lady?" He nods to the flowers.

Chris coughs a bit, looking down. "Actually the lucky guy is named Pj." He chuckles. "Yeah, i'm gay. That's not a problem is it?"

Dan immediately shook his head. "No no- not at all." 

Chris sighs out of relief. "Phew- I was hoping that I wouldn't have to leave or punch you, because you seemed like a great guy." 

Dan chuckles, opening his mouth to say something, before the door opens.

Phil walks in, a panicked look on his face.

"Dan?! Why did you run from me? I–" Dan cuts him off.

"I'm sorry– I- I just–" Tears start flowing down his face.

Phil immediately pulls Dan up into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Shh, Danny it's going to be okay." Phil's tells him soothingly.

Dan shakes his head, pulling away from Phil.

"No.." He trails off. "I can't deal with this today-"

"Meet me tomorrow-" Phil says quickly, cutting him off. "I-I mean– if you, uh want to.."

Dan sighs, nodding. "O-Okay.. yeah.. sure."  
He bites his lip, looking down. the tears completely forgotten. "When..?"

Phil pulls a notebook from his bag that was hanging over his shoulder.  
He scribbles his number and address onto the paper, before ripping it out and handing it to Dan.

"Here.. Meet me at my house tomorrow at 12pm.. A-And text me if you want.." Phil tells him sort of shyly.

Dan gives him a half smile. "Okay. That sounds good, I'd love to catch up on things.."

Phil returns the smile. "Me too!" He says enthusiastically, before coughing a bit. "I-I mean– Yeah.. Me too.." He blushes in embarrassment.

Dan chuckles at the blush spreading over Phil's pale cheeks.

"See you then?" Dan asks hopefully.

"Definitely!" Phil answers, giving Dan a wide smile.

He sneakily leans in and gives Dan a small hug, lightly kissing his cheek.

Dan gasps a bit, pink spreading over his tanned cheeks.

Phil pulls away, avoiding eye contact. "s-so um–"

"Yeah.. I should go now.." Dan chuckles awkwardly.

"Me too.. See you tomorrow?" Phil asks Dan. Dan nods. "Yeah! of course."

Dan turns towards the door, walking towards it.

He looks back at Phil, giving him a sweet /awkward/ smile.

while not watching where he is going, Dan ends up walking into the door, earning a slight giggle from Phil.

A darker red blush spreads across Dan's cheeks.

He looks down, biting his lip in embarrassment.

"I–" Dan opens the door, walking speedily out of the flower shop.

He barely hears Phil shouting out the words "Call me!" Before he shouts "I will!" back.

Dan basically bounces down the pavement with a grin on his face back towards his job, Excited to share the news with Connor.


	6. .six.

×dan× 

 

When Dan spots his job, He quickly spots Connor about to walk into the shop.

He quickly runs up to him, catching him before he goes inside.

"Oh, hey Dan, What are–" Dan cuts him off.

He's basically buzzing with excitement, so much that Connor could barely understand what he was saying. All he got of it was '..Today..Phil…saved..possible date..Phil..love….Connor..' 

Connor interrupts him. "Wait– what did you just say?–"

Dan blushes a bit; which is unusual for him. 

"Sorry– i'll speak slower.." Dan takes a deep breath. "When I left for lunch today, I saw Phil again. He saved my life. and tomorrow i could be going on a possible date with Phil.. I think I'm in love, Connor."

A grin finds its way onto Connor's face. "That's amazing! I'm happy for you."

Dan squeaks when Connor suddenly hugs him.

He hears Connor sniffling quietly. "Connor..? Are you crying? What's wrong?" Dan asks him concerned.

Connor looks up at him, before he nods. "Yeah.. It's Just i haven't seen you this happy for a long time."

Dan gives him a sad smile, nodding in response.

Connor pulls away, wiping his tears. He knows he can't tell Dan the way he feels about him now.

He doesn't want Dan feel like he might jump on him any chance he gets.

Connor is a loyal friend to Dan and he doesn't want to ruin their friendship because he gained a small –big– crush on him.

He would rather be alone forever than to lose Dan.

"Connor..?" He hears Dan ask.

He jumps out of his thoughts, before answering him. "O-Oh– sorry, i was caught up in my thoughts.."

"It's okay." Dan smiles at him. Connor almost melts right there.

Dan pats him on the shoulder. "I think i'm just going to go home, okay?" Connor nods.

"Go ahead." 

"Okay." Dan smiles at Connor one last time, before he starts walking down the pavement.

–

Once he reaches his bedroom, he flops down onto his mattress and looks up at the ceiling. "Did i really just see Phil again?" 

He slides his hand into his pocket to see if Phil note was there. sure enough, there it was. The folded note with Phil's number and address on it. 'xxx-xxx-xxxx  call me sometime if you want to :) <3 ~xoxo:Phil'

Dan instantly smiles, glad that it wasn't just a daydream.

He is kind of tempted to just pick up his phone and call Phil, just to hear his soft voice again.

"Oh, Phillip.. What you do to me.."

–

A few hours later Dan fell asleep, excited to see Phil the next day.

'I'm going to be fucking late' is what he first thinks when he woke up at '11:34am'

"Shit!" Dan quickly shoots up from his bed and rushes into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

..

When he gets out it's '11:45am' he quickly plugs up his straighteners to start heating them up.

But while they are heating up, He rushes to get dressed into his nicest black jeans, a clean black shirt and his converse.

He quickly straightens his hair and basically flies out of his door.

–

Dan finally makes it to Phil's house at '12:16pm'

"Fuck.." He swears under his breath.

Dan walks up to Phil's door and knocks.

He hears a faint 'coming!' before the door opens, revealing Phil.

Dan smiles at him, until he hears a voice say "Who's at the door, babe?"

Dan's smile quickly vanishes and he sees a boy who looks sort of similar to him.

The boy has brunette hair and chocolatey brown eyes like his. 

'it's not like he /isn't/ attractive, but..' Dan thinks to himself.

"Charlie, This is Dan, my old best friend. Dan, This is Charlie, My boyfriend. Dan came over today so we could catch up. Is that okay?" Dan's heart drops.

"O-Oh.." Dan stutters out. Charlie has a devious look in his eye. "B-But.. I was going to take you out for lunch, Philly.." He flashes Phil an innocent look. 

'Fuck you.' 

Phil shoots Dan a surprised look. "Dan–"

Charlie covers his mouth, pretending to be upset about it. "P-Phil.."

Dan's eyes widen. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it..!" He lies.

Phil looks at Charlie.

Charlie nods. "It's okay." He gives Dan a fake smile and when Phil turns his head away, He shoots Dan a vicious glare.

Phil smiles brightly. "Charlie, maybe we could just go out for lunch tomorrow.."

Charlie sighs. "sure–"

"Great! let's go inside." Phil leads them both inside, before shutting the door.

"This is going to be an adventure." Dan mumbles quietly to himself.


	7. .seven.

+dan+

Phil leads them to the living room.  He sits down on the sofa, motioning for Dan to do the same.

Dan smiles at him and goes to sit next to him but Charlie quickly takes the spot, giving Dan a devilish look. 

Dan shoots Charlie a glare, sitting down in the chair across from them.

"S-so.." Dan tries to start a conversation.

"I'm so glad that you decided to come." Phil looks down shyly. Fuck. "I'm glad too." Dan looks at Phil.  So beautiful-

Charlie rolls his eyes. "How did you meet again? It was after me right?"

Phil shakes his head. "No.. we met seven years ago. When I realised that I loved-" He stops realising what he what saying. "That you loved what?" Charlie asks sourly.

"W-When I realised that I loved winter m-much more than summer." Phil lies. Dan remembers that Phil always stutters when he lies.

"Oh." Charlie says coldly. "Well, i'm going to the bar. See ya." He storms out of the house, slamming the door on his way out.

Phil sighs. "He does this alot.."

Dan looks at him, concerned. 

"Phil.." he sits next to Phil and touches his arm lightly. "Does he.. does he do anything to-"

Phil flinches away. "N-No, he would never.." he gulps and shuts his eyes tightly, pulling his sleeves down over his hands. 

"I'm sorry.." Dan bites his lip, pulling his hand away.

"No, it's okay!" Phil flashes him a bright smile. How is he so adorable?

Dan gives him a soft smile. "You are so cute-" his eyes widen and he can already feel his cheeks burning.

Phil lets out a giggle. "Why, thank you." Pink spreading across his pale cheeks.

"You're not so bad yourself." Phil winks playfully. What-

"So, I'm not cute?" Dan smirks slightly, scooting closer to Phil.

Phil leans closer to Dan. "No." Dan pouts. "You're hot."

Dan blushes harshly. "Oh, I am?"

Phil nods. "Very."

Fuck it. 

Dan leans close to Phil. Their lips inches apart.

Phil slowly presses their lips together. 

Dan cups Phil's cheeks, kissing him softly.

Phil's eyes widen, realising what he just did. He quickly pulls back, jumping away from Dan.

"Phil.. I-" Dan starts. Phil shakes his head, putting his head in his hands. Dan hears him swearing quietly. "Fuck.." he hears him sniffling. "Are you okay?" He puts a hand on Phil's shoulder. As he expected Phil flinches away.

Dan's basically heart broken seeing him like this.

"I-I'll just go.." he sees Phil nod.

Dan stands up and walks out of Phil's house. "What the fuck did I just do? He'll never forgive me now.. I'm such an idiot.."


	8. .eight.

+dan+

It's been three days since the 'incident' 

Dan hasn't left his room since that day.

Adrian barges into dan's room. "Its been three fucking days."

Dan just shrugs. Adrian just gets more mad at him. 

"Get the fuck up, dan. I'm getting sick and tired of this. Stop moping around and do something with your friends or something."

Dan goes to put the blanket over his head, but Adrian snatches the blanket from him and tosses it across the room. "Get. Up."

"No."

"Now."

"Fuck off."

"Daniel. James. Howell."

"Go the hell awa-" Adrian grabs Dan's ankles and pulls him off of his bed. "Ow! What the actual-"

"Get up and get dressed. We are going out." Adrian walks out of Dan's room, shutting the door on his way out.

"What the fuck just happened?" Dan rubs his head. 

He decides to get off of the floor to start getting dressed before Adrian comes in and starts acting like a woman on that 'time of the month'

He sighs. "What to wear?"


	9. .nine.

+dan+

as soon as Dan walks out of his bedroom, Adrian basically jumps on him and drags him out of the flat.

"Jesus fuck, Adrian!-" dan starts to yell, but Adrian slaps his hand over Dan mouth to quiet him.

"Shh." Adrian glares over at Dan.

Dan's eyes widen before he simply nods. Trying not to aggravate Adrian more.

Cause he doesn't want Adrian to act like a woman on her time of the month anymore.

He let's adrian drag him wherever.

-

They finally arrive at wherever Adrian wanted to go.

Dan let's out a sigh of relief.

He looks around the almost empty park before he sees him.


	10. .ten.

+dan+

He sucks in a breath and continues to stare at Phil.

"Dan.. Dan I'm so glad–" Phil stops when he sees the look that Dan is giving him.

"Did you set this up, Adrian?" Dan turns to his younger brother, arms crossed.

It's not that he was upset about it, Because hell, he is basically screaming internally from happiness.

Adrian nods and looks down at his feet, a bit surprised and confused when he feels Dan hug him tight.

"Wha–" Adrian starts.

"Thank you." Dan whispers into his brother's ear.

Adrian nods in response.

Dan pulls away from Adrian, before he turns to Phil. He walks towards him.

They catch each other's eyes and they both blush shyly.

Adrian rolls his eyes and pushes Dan into Phil, chuckling when their lips touch.

Dan gasps in shock when his lips tingle with an unexplainable feeling. He touches his lips lightly, gazing into Phil's eyes. He wonders if Phil had felt it too.

"I-I.." Phil stutters, blushing harshly.

Dan pulls Phil in by the scruff of his shirt and kisses him softly.

Phil gasps, but he kisses Dan back anyway, feeling Dan smile against his lips.

He decides that his new favorite flavor is the taste of Dan's lips.

They both pull away at the same time.

Then they notice that Adrian had left.

It starts to rain and they both start laughing, noticing how cliche it was.

Before those relationship threatening three words decide to slip out of Dan's mouth.

"I love you, Phil."


	11. .eleven.

+phil+ (wow surprising!!1!)

Phil was speechless. He didn't know what to say.

He loves Charlie, but part of him also loves Dan.

Phil had to make a big decision.

It was either Dan or Charlie, He couldn't choose both.

"Dan, I-" Phil stops himself, seeing the tears in Dan's brown eyes.

"You don't love me.." He whispers to himself.

"Dan, it's not like that. You know i'm still in a relationship."

"You really love him, don't you?" Dan questions bitterly.

Phil bites his lip and looks down.

"I-I dont know.." Phil didn't want to see the look that's probably on Dan's face.

"How the hell can you not know?" Dan raises his voice slightly.

Phil flinches a bit. "Please stop yelling.. can we- can we just be friends for now?" 

Dan sighs, shrugging slightly and nods. "I'm sorry, Phil. but yeah, of course we can."

"It's fine."

Dan shakes his head at Phil's response. "No it isn't! I scared you.."

"Dan, it's fine-" 

"But-" Dan's complaining got cut off by Phil presses a light kiss to his lips.

"Can we just start over?" Phil pulls away from Dan.

Dan nods, lightly running his fingertips over his lips, not knowing what to say.

Phil then holds out his hand and smiles. "Hello, my names Phil, Phil lester."

Dan chuckles, and shakes Phil's hand gently. "I'm Dan, Dan howell. It's lovely to meet you, Phil."


	12. .twelve.

Dan was actually glad that they decided to start over.

Even though he still loved Phil, he knew that it was for the best.

A week after starting over everything was better. No more drama, (unless you count Connor not so subtly flirting with Dan) no more fighting between Dan and Phil.

Everything was perfect in their eyes.

Well, that was until Charlie came home from his trip.

___

The front door of Phil's house swings open, slamming against the yellow wall of the living room.

Phil, who was sleeping soundly on the sofa, is startled awake.

"C-Charlie, what the hell?" Phil looks at Charlie with fear-filled eyes.

Charlie smirks at Phil, slowly walking towards him.

"Oh, Philly, Phil." He chuckles evilly and shakes his head.  
"We're going to have some fun tonight."

Phil's breath hitches, realising what he meant. He was going to be beaten.

Charlie roughly shoves Phil to the floor and kicks him in his stomach.

"You little bitch, you were with Dan weren't you?" Charlie kneels down beside him.

Phil quickly shakes his head. "N-No! O-of course not."

Charlie laughs bitterly. "You fucking liar. Am I not good enough?" He pulls Phil up roughly by his hair, glaring into Phil's blue eyes.

"I-its not like that! I swear!" Phil flinches at Charlie's words.

Charlie slams Phil's head onto the hard wood floor, causing him to fall unconscious.

Charlie yanks his hand away, looking at it in disgust. "Ew, now there is blood all over the floor. Phil will clean it when he gets up." He stands up, wiping his hands on his jeans and he walks out of the house, leaving Phil unconscious and bleeding on the living room floor.


	13. .thirteen.

(I'm currently converting this fanfiction into past tense, oops?)

little did Charlie and Phil know, someone was watching them through the window the entire time.

___

The boy gasped, and covered his mouth. "Oh my god-" 

He decided to wait until Charlie left and he called 999 and rushed inside to help Phil.

___

When the boy finally got Phil's wounds to stop bleeding, the paramedics were rushing inside.

"Is this Phillip lester?" The paramedic questioned the younger boy.

"No, it's Gerard way." The boy answered sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "Yes, it's fucking Phil! He needs help!" He started raising his voice.

The paramedic looked shocked. "O-Okay, sir.."

They helped Phil onto the stretcher, and they put him in the ambulance.

"Hey, kid.. what's your name? Do you have any relation to Phillip?" One of the paramedics asked the boy.

The younger boy bit his lip before answering. "I'll be at the hospital later. J-Just call me... Grey. I'm not related to Phil what so ever."

The paramedic nodded his head. "Um, okay. You'll have to sit in the waiting room though."

'Grey' nodded. "O-Okay.."

He glanced back at 'grey' before leaving in the ambulance.

'Grey' smiled sadly, and began to walk to the hospital.


	14. .fourteen.

'grey' made it to the hospital fifteen minutes later.

He panted quietly as he walked inside.

"U-Uh, excuse me.. I'm here for Phil lester.." He asked the first nurse that he spotted.

She smiled at him. "Okay, just sit in the waiting room and we'll tell you when he's in a stable condition." 

He nodded slowly. "O-Okay, thank you."

"You're welcome, dear. Wait- what's your relation to Mr Lester?" She questioned

"U-Um.. I- he's my cousin.." 'grey' lied.

The nurse raised her eyebrow. "He isn't really your cousin, is he?"

He hesitated."Y-Yeah- of course he is! I mean-"

The older woman chuckled. "It's okay. I won't tell anyone, sweet. Your secret is safe with me."

'Grey' let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, so much, Miss.." 

She nodded. "You're welcome, sweet. Oh, and my name is Maggie."

"You have a pretty name, Ms Maggie." 'Grey' smiled, then nodded his head.

Maggie shook her head. "No, none of that. Call me Maggie." The older woman told him sternly.

'Grey's eyes widened. "Oh, okay! Of course." He quickly replied.

She grinned sweetly. "Thank you, sweet. 'Ms' makes me feel old. I'm only fifty-seven."

Only

'Grey' chuckled. "You aren't old at all, ms- Maggie."

Maggie nodded. "You're right, i'm not. Well, dear, I need to get back to work. I promise i'll tell you about your 'cousin' when he's in a stable condition." She smiled.

'Grey' nodded his head. "Thank you again, Maggie." He smiled back at the older woman.

"Mhm, of course, sweet." She waved, and walked down the hall.

'Grey' sighed and sat down in a hard plastic chair in the waiting room.

I hope he's okay.

I can't believe he got abused like that.

He deserves way better. Like me-

What.. where is that coming from?

'Grey' put his face in his hands, groaning softly. "Ugh. Phil, please be okay.."

He let the tears fall down his tan cheeks and he pulls his knees to his chest.

"Please- Please, I need you."


	15. .fifteen.

A few hours later, Maggie called out for 'Grey' and told him that he could finally see Phil.

Thank fuck he's okay.

"Oh thank you, so much!" He throws his arms around the older woman.

She smiled genuinely at the boy. "Don't thank me, thank the doctors."

'Grey' smiled in response and pulls back, wiping his eyes. 

"Go on, hun. I know you want to." She laughed. "He called for you." She winked at him.

'Grey' blushed. "I- bye! Thank you again!" He rushed down the hallway until he found Phil's room.

"Phil-" 'grey' ran over to his bed.

"Dan? Dan!" Despite being bruised all over, Phil pulled the teary eyed boy into his arms.

Dan started sobbing into Phil's chest. "Fuck, I thought you weren't gonna make it. Why didn't you tell me..?" He looks into Phil's now dull grey-blue eyes. 

"I didn't want you to worry. He was drunk-" 

"Don't even try to defend him, Phil. He hurt you! You could've died." His voice dropped into a whisper.

"I-I know.. I'm sorry, Danny. I lo- I just.. maybe he could change." Phil frowns.

Dan shook his head. "You know he won't. You know it. So why are you lying to yourself?"

"I'm afraid of being alone, okay?" Phil sniffed. Dan looked at him in shock. 

"What? Phil... I'm sorry!" Dan wrapped his arms around the older boy.

Phil just shook his head. "No.. don't be."

Dan cupped Phil's face in his hands. "You'll never be alone. I won't allow it. You know how I feel about you..."

Phil nodded, and allowed himself to lean forward slowly. Dan did the same. Then they both started to hear clapping.

"Wow! Did you really think you could take him from me?" Charlie laughed humorlessly and stopped clapping. "Ha! No. So get the fuck out before I call the cops and tell them that you were gonna try to rape my boyfriend."

Dan glared at Charlie. "You're the one who did this to Phil! You're the one who treats him like shit. I would never hurt him in any way. I fucking love him!"

Phil gripped Dan's hand. "Dan.."

Dan just ignored Phil and continued. "He deserves much better than an asshole like you!"

"Oh really? Like what, You?" Charlie started laughing. "That's a great joke but get the fuck out."

Dan stepped forward. "No. You go. Phil doesn't want you here, or at all. So you can fuck off to never land for all I care, just go."

Charlie scoffed. "Fuck you." Then he was gone.

Phil let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Dan nodded. "Anything for you."

"So, how about that kiss..?" Phil smiled cheekily.

Dan rolled his eyes playfully and planted his lips onto Phil's.


	16. .sixteen.

A week went by, Dan and Phil were as happy as they could be.

As they were laying in Phil's bed, Dan asked a question Phil didn't know how to answer. "W-What are we, Phil..?"

Phil had known that question was coming. He just didn't want to face it. "I-I don't know, Dan. Humans?"

Dan's face fell and he looked down at his hands. "Are we dating?" He looked at Phil, keeping his voice quiet.

Phil sighed. "No.. I'm sorry. I just got out of a relationship, Dan. I'm not ready."

I'm not ready.

Dan chewed on his lip. "O-Oh.."

"I'm sorry." Phil frowned. He hated it when Dan was upset. "Bear.."

"No, no.. you're not ready." His voice cracks. He hadn't meant for it to come out harsh sounding, he was just hurt.

"Dan-" Phil tried to stop Dan from leaving, but he was too late. Dan ran out so quickly, he didn't know what to do.

"Fuck!" Phil pulled at his hair angrily.

Did he just lose Dan?


	17. .seventeen.

Dan didn't know where he was going, but he knew that he just needed time away for awhile.

i'm not ready

Those words just kept repeating over and over again in his head.

Tears welled up in his eyes once more, he had started crying for the second time that day.

–––––––––––

Phil felt like an total asshole. He regretted everything that he had said to Dan.

He wished he could take it all back.

He was sat on his sofa with his head in his hands, crying silently.

His phone started ringing, Phil saw that it was Charlie calling.

"H-Hello?" He asked as soon as he picked up his phone and answered the call.

–––

T.W

He didn't know how he ended up at a bar, some stranger pressed up against him.

Dan didn't have the energy to stop the guy from kissing him.

He was too drunk to even comprehend what was going on.

All he knew was that he needed a distraction from Phil.

He didn't want to force Phil into anything he didn't want.

But at the moment Dan was being forced to do something he want as the guy took him into an alleyway and took advantage of him. Dan was just crying silently just lying there limp on the concrete as he took the pain. He felt numb as the guy got dressed and looked at him in disgust and walked away.

Dan stayed there for awhile, dried tears on his cheeks. Then he got up and pulled his clothes on, stumbling home, and immediately passed out as he walked into his flat and into his bedroom. He didn't want to move at all. All he felt was pain.

––––

Phil had gotten off the phone with Charlie and he laid on his sofa, a small smile on his face.

Charlie had apologized repeatedly and Phil forgave him. Turns out that Phil hadn't gotten over Charlie yet. He still loved him. 

But Charlie only wanted to piss Dan off. He didn't want a relationship with Phil. But of course he want gonna tell Phil that. He didn't want Phil, but he sure as hell didn't want anyone else to have him.

Especially not Dan Howell.

Definitely not him.  
\----  
The next day

He was laying down on his bed, looking at his ceiling.

Phil bit his lip unsure of what to do.

He liked both Dan and Charlie.

He had to decide. He had to choose one of them.

And he knew exactly who he wanted.

He just needed to find Dan and tell him.

Phil stood up, pulling on his shoes and ran out the door. He started running towards Dan's flat.  
–––

Dan heard someone running into his flat, the door slamming shut. He heard footsteps down his hallway, coming closer to his bedroom.

He sat up and grabbed his pocket knife off of his bedside table. 

His door opened and he jumped up, pain spreading throughout his body, and someone walked in that he hadn't expected would be there. He winced, dropping his knife looking at the person in shock.

"Phil, what are you doing here?" He asked the ebony haired boy harshly. Dan glared at the boy. He was too much in pain to care about the hurt look that was in Phil's eyes.

"Dan, I made a decision. I was wrong.. I am ready.." He spoke softly, looking at the younger boy.

"R-Really?" He stuttered, a brief smile appearing on his face as he looked into those ocean blue eyes.

Phil nodded, and bit his lip nervously.

"yeah.. I want to be with Charlie. I chose him." He looked down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs, and prepared himself for Dan's reaction.

Tears rolled down Dan's cheeks as he yelled, "Get out of my flat, right now!" He pointed to his door, and cried into his hands.

Phil immediately ran out. He had expected this sort of reaction from him. But he knew had fucked up badly this time.

–––––

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! I'm sorry for procrastinating so much =| ♡♡ enjoy!
> 
> so angsty-


	18. .eighteen.

Phil didn't know why he had said that he wanted Charlie. That was a complete lie. He wanted Dan. not Charlie.

He sighed, tears falling down his cheeks. "W-What am I going to do without him, Ty?"

His friend Tyler Oakley sat across from him at the Ice cream shop that Tyler's boyfriend's Dad owned. The "Sivan's soft serve" Tyler had always made fun of the name, so had his boyfriend. 

"Get him back, hun." Tyler shrugged, no bothering to give him sympathy. "You fucked up. You fix it."

Troye--Tyler's boyfriend-- walked up to their table and nodded. "I agree with Ty."

Phil sighed once more, wiping his tears. "You always take his side." He pouted at them.

"This is your fuck up, Phil. Not ours." Troye stated, sitting next to his lavender haired boyfriend.

Phil finally agreed an hour and three sundaes later.

_______

Dan was a mess.

Within the hours that Phil had left, he had been crying into his pillow, throwing things around his room and fell asleep with dried tears on his cheeks.

Connor decided to pay him a visit, and He took care of him, letting him cry into his shoulder if he needed it. He cooked him meals that he would force Dan to eat. He hated seeing him upset. The worse part was that he was still madly in love with him.

He couldn't help his feelings.

He loved Dan and he just didn't know if Dan would even give him a chance.

"T-Thanks Connie." Dan sniffled, his arms wrapped around Connor waist.

Connor nodded a bit, "Anything for you, Dan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for reading! I'm sorry for not updating! I've been busy with some personal stuff! I hope this makes up for it.


	19. .nineteen.

It had been three months total since Dan had seen or even talked to Phil. He would never admit it out loud but, Dan missed Phil. Quite a lot. 

Sure Connor was great company but he wanted to see Phil, even though he did hurt him. That just made him want to be with him more it seemed.

 

He loved Phil Lester and that was all it took for him to get up out of his bed and walk over to Phil's house at 10:02 am.

He walked up to the door and knocked hesitantly, waiting for the expected rejectio or the presence of Charlie.

But neither of those appeared. Just warm arms wrapping themselves around Dan's small waist, pulling him close. A voice whispering, "I'm sorry, I love you, Dan.." Then Dan reacted to it all by pulling him closer and attaches their lips together in a soft loving kiss.

There was more than just fireworks. It was like an explosion.

Dan got pulled inside, led upstairs and shortly, pushed down onto Phil's bed.

Phil looked into Dan's eyes as he asked, "are you sure you want to do this?" His eyes more like black than blue. 

Dan nodded eagerly, "I-Ive been waiting for this for a long time."  
And that's all it took for things to get even more heated.

 

\--

After they finished, Dan rested his head on Phil's chest. They both panted softly, a blush painted on their cheeks. "Wow.." Phil whispered to Dan. "That was amazing Danny.." Dan looked up at Phil, smiling sleepily at him "yeah.. I love you too by the way."

 

Phil smiled widely, pressing his lips to Dan gently and mumbled against his lips, "I love you so much, Dan. I have for so long..."

 

Dan pulled away from him and smiles wider than he had for a long time, "I've been waiting to hear those words for a long time." 

"Oh goodness.. I love you." And then he kissed him again, and again not noticing the cameras flash through the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was rushed I'm sorry))):


	20. .twenty.

It was three weeks later when 'it' happened.

\----

Dan was confused as to what him and Phil's relationship was.

Thats why he was on his way over to Phil's house, it had just become a habit as he usually came over just to basically have sex and leave. It had been going on since the first time. They had told each other that they loved each other but Dan didn't know how to confront Phil about that.

He made his way over to the familiar place and knocked three times, but didn't get a response.

The brunette boy looked at the door with a confused expression. Phil was usually home. He knew that Dan was coming over.

Dan had texted him beforehand, telling him that he would be over. Why wasn't he there?

The boy shook his head and sighed, looking around for a certain false rock and took the spare key from the small compartment on the bottom, unlocking the door. He walked in and decided to wait for his lover? boyfriend? fuck buddy? He didn't know. Dan sat down on the sofa and turned on the television, seeing that the news was on. He grimaced, about to turn the channel when he saw it. The accident that would ruin everything.

  
"...Devastating car crash near the Sivan's soft serve. An elderly woman in about her 60's, was speeding when she crashed straight into the young man's car..." Dan stopped paying attention to what the woman on the television when caught a glimpse of one of the cars. It was Phil's car. It was Phil's fucking car. Of course it had to be his.

He swore his heart had stopped right then. Phil could be dead.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he remembered what the last thing Phil had said to him. "I love you too, Bear xx."

  
Dan rushed up off the sofa and made his way out the door and just ran. Ran as fast as he could towards the hospital. He wasn't gonna lose Phil again. Especially not like this.

His legs were past being tired but he didn't care. It didn't bother him, not when he knew the love of his life was dying. Or even worse, Dead. His health didn't matter at that moment, he just knew he wanted– No, /needed/ Phil to still be alive.

  
It was about twenty minutes later that he made it there. He hoped that he had made it in time.

Dan was out of breath, and panting as he spoke, "P-Phil.. Phi-l Les-Lester.. where is he..?"

The nurse he asked gave him a strange look and replied, "Whats your relation to Mr. Lester? He is in critical condition."

"I-I'm his boyfriend." His voice cracked, and he wiped his eyes.

"The doctor will come out and tell you when you're able to see him." The nurse checked something off on her clipboard and walked away. Dan swore that he was about to just grab that nurse by her blonde ponytail and drag her back into the room and make her tell him where he could find Phil. His soulmate.

God, there was something wrong with him. He knew he was going to be waiting there for awhile. He just had a feeling. It wasn't a good feeling either.

  
Dan decided to pull out his beat up iPhone and search the internet to take his mind off of Phil until they called him. But he found something that just made the situation even worse.

There were pictures of him and Phil having sex. On the internet.

He didn't even want to know how they got there. Or who took them.

The person just went by 'Ace'

Was it Charlie? Connor? Tyler..?

He sat there, wondering who it could be. He didn't realize that someone sat next to him. "Let me guess, Boyfriend?"

Dan turned his head towards the person, not recognizing the voice. "U-Uh, I, uh.. We-"

"Complicated?" The boy asked with a sad chuckle.

He tilted his head slightly, before nodding gently, "Something like that.. Who are you here for?" He turned to look at the boy. "I-I'm Dan, by the way. Dan Howell.."

  
"Chris. My fiancee," He sighed. "He was involved in the crash. His grandmother was speeding as he was passed out in the backseat. Had the flu, He insisted that he helped his friend with something he couldn't tell me. I think you knew him, He talked about a Dan Howell,"

  
"You must be Pj.. My, uh.. /Phil/ was in the crash.. He was the other driver. Chris was my friend, I'm sorry," Dan looked down at his lap as he gripped onto the hem of his shirt, forcing the tears away.

  
He wanted to get Phil off of his mind for the moment and talking to PJ about the crash wasn't helping.

"They don't think Chris is going to make it." Dan looked up to find PJ on the verge of tears. "I-I, we were going to get married next month.." Fuck. "His grandmother died on the impact. She was like my own grandma.." God dammit.

  
The tears fell down his cheeks and he was quick to wipe them away, "I-Im sorry, You must think–"

Dan cut him off, "No. It's alright, Pj.. I'm really sorry for your loss.." He bit his lip after taking a deep breath.

  
"I–" Pj was cut off once more.

"Family here for Chris Kendall?" The doctor looked around the waiting room with an agitated glance.

  
Pj stood up and took a deep breath, wiping his eyes, before looking back at Dan. "Thank you." Then he was off.

  
Dan was alone once again. Trying to figure out who took photos of him and Phil while they were having sex, making out and even one with just Phil handcuffed to the bed. ˇThat one was not even sex related. Dan had told Phil that if he didn't get out of bed that he would handcuff him to the bed. Phil didn't get out of bed.

Maybe it was Charlie.. but why would he have wanted to see his ex getting fucked by/fucking the guy that he hated?

It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense anymore.

  
He continued to wait for someone to call for him, but no one ever did.

At least he knew that Phil wasn't dead. Thank god for that.

For being an atheist he sure as /hell/ prayed.

But he felt really wrong, and disturbed that he was a bit turned on from those pictures, and just the thought of someone watching him and Phil. Damn that voyerisim kink.

His.. whatever was possibly dying and he was turned on. wow Dan.

Dan decided to call Connor, he asked him to come to the hospital and he would explain everything to him. They hadn't really talked in awhile.

Dan was aware that Connor liked him, but he knew that he would always be there when he needed him. Or just someone in general.

Connor was really sweet and cute even, but he wasn't Dan's type unfortunately. But he just wasn't going to tell Connor that, he didn't want to hurt the boys feelings.

  
Connor was there in ten minutes, a look of concern on his face as he looked at the tears in Dans eyes. He hated seeing Dan cry. Such a beautiful boy didn't deserve to be sad.

He sat beside Dan and patted his back. He resisted the urge to pull him into his arms and never let him go. He just wanted Dan to be his. Was that so hard to ask? Why couldn't anything be good for him?

Connor sighed as Dan sniffed and started spilling everything out. The crash, The thing between him and Phil. Everything. And Connor listened carefully to every single word.

"Oh Danny.." He whispered, ignoring the weak glare Dan threw him for calling him "Danny"

Dan wiped his eyes and rested his head onto Connor's shoulder. He just wanted Phil to be okay.

  
Memories of him and Phil seven years ago flooded into his mind.

Those blue eyes. The beach.

"Everything comes back to those blue eyes.." Dan whispered before breaking into heartbreaking sobs and he fell into Connor's side just wanting it to be Phil's arms wrapping around him, whispering that it would be okay. Not Connor's.

  
////// earlier in Phil's POV [3rd pov still though]

  
A cold breeze flooding in from the open window was enough to wake Phil up at 7am.

He groaned quite loudly and glared at the ceiling while pulling the duvet up to his chin.

His first thought was to curse at himself for leaving the window open overnight. And for letting Dan leave instead of asking him to stay. He missed Dan, even though it had only been a few hours.

Phil sat up and decided that he would start getting ready for the day, hoping that Dan would be over and they could cuddle or watch anime.

After he showered and ate breakfast, it was 8am. He sighed, sitting on the sofa for a moment before he decided to grab his sketch book and try finishing his drawing that he had started of Dan. He thought that he looked like a masterpiece and he wanted to capture his beauty on paper.

He loved everything about Dan, thats why he dated Charlie. He looked so similar to Dan.

It might've been a wrong thing to do but it was the closest thing he had to Dan.

He traced over the pencil with his pen that he used for art only, and then he erased the pencil and he was thanking god for the art classes that he took in high school.

Phil thought it was actually his best drawing. He was proud of himself.

He grinned and closed his sketchbook, turning on the television. He turned it to a random channel, and it was the news. As he decided to leave that on, he pulled out his phone and was waiting to see if Dan would text him. It was his day off after all. 30 minutes passed and he didn't get a message.

He sighed and stood up, "I guess I'll just go out and get a few things and i should be back before he texts.." He spoke quietly to himself, feeling a bit disappointed that Dan hadn't texted him yet. But Dan could've slept in late. He didn't have to worry. It would be /fine/.

Phil walked out the door, not knowing that it would be awhile before he could come back.

He got into his car and started it up, and drove off to the store. He grabbed a few things, getting caught up in conversation with an old woman who he helped out. Then he was off, stopping at a flower shop to look at all the different plants and flowers, when he got a text from Dan.

[dan is italics and Phil is normal font]

  
_"hey, i'll be over soon."_

"Okay :) xx can't wait."

" _i_ _love_ _you_. _x"_

"I love you too, Bear xx."

And then Phil slid his phone into his pocket with a smile spreading across his lips and then he walked out to his car, grinning as he was excited to see Dan.

  
He decided to take a quicker route which was a road that led to The Sivan's Soft Serve. His friend Troye's dad owned it. He was going to go talk to Troye, but decided against it as he didn't want to keep Dan waiting.

As he was turning onto the road in front of The Sivan's Soft Serve, he didn't check both sides of the road as he was slammed into by a dark red minivan. He didn't even see it, and all he saw after that was black.

  
//////// current time.

 

Connor had convinced Dan to take a walk outside with him for a bit, since they both knew it would be awhile before he was called in for Phil.

As they walked outside, they didn't notice a certain brunette boy walk into the hospital, who pulled up his hood as he recognized them. a devilish smile on his face.

  
He sat in the waiting room, already hearing about the crash. He was really upset about Phil, but he had a few plans depending on what the outcome would be.

  
He knew that Phil would be his again, he didn't care how it happened but it would. Eventually.

  
It was a couple of hours later was when the doctor came out. Charlie made sure that Connor and Dan stayed out so that his plan wouldn't fail.

  
"Family here for Phil Lester?" The doctor looked around the room, his eyes falling onto Charlie. "You here for Mr. Lester?" He asked.

Charlie nodded, a sad expression appearing on his face.

"I-I'm his boyfriend." He bit his lip.

The doctor nodded. "Okay. Well, I'm sorry to tell you this but, Mr. Lester is suffering from amnesia, and a few broken bones but he is seriously lucky. He shouldn't even be alive. but he woke up, asking for a Dan? He remembers names and such but not the faces."

Charlie's eyes widened. He wasn't expecting Amnesia. He had an even better plan now. It would be a complete success.

  
"C-Can I see him?" He asked "nervously". The doctor nodded once more. "Go on. He's in room 301."

  
Charlie muttered a quick 'thanks' before heading up to Phil's room. He scanned the numbers on the doors. "299..300..301!"

He opened the door slowly, and then shut it behind himself as he walked into the room.

Phil spotted him quickly. Sunshine. "W-Who are you?" He squinted slightly, his voice higher than usual.

"I-I'm Dan." Charlie lied, a small unsure smile on his face as Phil looked him over.

"Dan? as in Dan Howell, Dan?" He tilted his head a bit as he asked. His face softening.

Charlie nodded, "Yes.. Dan. Dan Howell. Its me, Philly."

Phil bit on his lip, "Aren't you my boyfriend?" He asked in a small almost shy voice.

Charlie chuckled. His plan was working. "Yes, Phil. But I have to tell you something. Charlie is here.. and Connor is with him, He's pretending to be me.. He just wants to steal you from me." his eyes filled with tears as he gazed into Phil's cerulean orbs.

Phil frowned. Charlie was there? "W-What does he look like?"

Charlie pulled out his phone and showed him a photo of Dan. "Here he is.."

"I.. ow.." He placed his hand onto his forehead, his face scrunched up in pain. "Dan.."

"Philly?" Charlie glanced at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing.. Lay with me?" Phil patted the spot next to him, scooting over slightly as it hurt for him to move.

It was dangerous for Charlie to lay with him and both of them knew it.

But that didn't stop Charlie.

Charlie laid next to him, kissing Phil's cheek as he did so.

"I love you, Phil."

"I love you too, Bear." Phil smiled weakly at him.

Charlie smirked a little, "I know."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2530 words ((: thank you for reading !! Comment and kudos are appreciated!


	21. .twenty one.

It was about six days later–

Charlie's plan had been working out good, although–Phil wouldn't kiss him.

Not on the cheek, the forehead, nose, or lips. Nowhere.

Charlie was getting frustrated, but at least he got the nurses and the doctors to keep Dan away from Phil.

He just showed them Dan's picture and told them to keep him out because he would "harm" Phil.

It worked surprisingly.

Charlie knew that he had to come up with a plan to try to make Phil want to kiss him.

He missed Phil, quite a lot. He was just too possessive.

Oh, and too abusive.

At that moment Charlie was in the hospital's cafeteria getting food for himself and Phil. The line was outrageous.

He huffed as he started getting impatient. This was for Phil so he would have to calm down so he didn't get violent.

  
Finally after about ten minutes, he grabbed their food and started making his way back up to Phil's room, and he heard talking coming from Phil's room. Charlie put his ear up against the door and listened in on the heated conversation.

  
"W-What? I'm not Charlie–It's me, Phil. It's Dan." _Dan_  explained to Phil, who didn't listen and just got angrier.

"Liar! I-I know you're lying. Stop _fucking_ lying to me,  _Charlie._ I know you've come up here while Dan was gone to try and get me back. But it's not fucking working, so _leave!_ " Phil practically screamed at the brunette. His cerulean eyes darkening with anger.

  
Dan's eyes widened with fear, tears welling up into them as he stared at the angered ebony haired male.

This boy wasn't looking at him with love like he usually would. It was pure hatred.

Charlie had already gotten to him. It was too late. But was he just going to give up on him? Definitely not. He would keep trying to get the love of his life back.

Dan stood his ground, wiping his tears away before replying, "He must of _really_ brainwashed you, if you believe that he's actually me. I am certainly _not_ him." He spit the words out in pure disbelief. "I actually love you. now if you'll excuse me, Phil. I should go now, but I'll be back. I'll prove to you that I am Dan Howell, no matter what it takes." Then with that, he roughly opened the door and stormed out, causing Charlie to fall down onto the floor as the door slammed.

Charlie huffed in aggravation, glaring at the boy stomping down the hallway, before standing up and walking into the room with an angered Phil.

"L-Lion..? I brought you something. Are you hungry?" He put on the 'innocent Dan' act, knowing he could trick Phil with it.

Phil immediately shook off his anger, offering his 'boyfriend' a small smile. "Thank you, Danny. C'mere,"

Charlie looked at him warily, then he walked over to the black haired boy. "What is it?" He questioned, tilting his head slightly.

Phil leaned up and pressed his lips against Charlie's for a few seconds, not even giving him a chance to respond, before he pulled away. "I get out today, don't I? We should.. you know," He pulled his lower lip in between his teeth for a moment, then finished speaking with a wink. "Have some fun."

Charlie choked to say at least. Was he _bipolar_?. "U-Um, okay," He coughed, his cheeks tinted with a soft red.

"I can't wait, Danny boy." Phil purred, a seductive glint in his eyes as he spoke. "I'd take you right now but," He giggled.

There was something wrong with him.

Charlie shook his head unnoticeably, staring at Phil with wide eyes. "U-Uh– Do you want your food? You said you were hungry–" Why did he get all shy all of a sudden?

"Oh baby, when I said I was hungry, I meant something else," He– Not so subtly glanced down at Charlie's crotch.

Charlie gulped, his cheeks turning a shade darker. "Oh–"

Then the doctor walked in. Phil looked like he wasn't just basically telling Charlie straight up that he wanted his dick, nope. Phil looked like an innocent angel.

The doctor had only stayed for a few minutes to unhook the IV's and he asked a few questions, then Phil was free to leave.

  
~~~~~

"So," Phil started an innocent look in his eyes as he casually placed his hand on Charlie's thigh–While Charlie was _driving._

Charlie swerved a little, coughing quietly as he glanced over at Phil. "S-So? Phil I'm driving."

Phil just giggled, then he responded in a small whine. "I want you, Dan."

"Fucking hell," Charlie swore under his breath as he pulled into Phil's driveway, and put the car in park.  When the car was off, Phil immediately climbed over the console, and straddled the brunette, giggling 'innocently'.

What. The. Fuck.

Was Phil loopy on medication?

Was that a test?

Then Phil spoke in a soft whisper. "Wanna take this inside?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so late!!!


	22. .twenty two.

≠charlie≠

 

Charlie had rolled off of Phil's body that was glistened with sweat and they were both panting heavily, as if they had just ran a mile.

Phil was the first to speak, "I love you, Danny." He beamed. Somehow he could act so very innocent directly after doing something so sinful.

Charlie plastered a fake smile on his face and returned the three words, his voice sounding somewhat bitter.

Then they just laid there in silence, Charlie stared at the ceiling smugly as he thought to himself.  
'He's mine, Dan. I've won.'

≠≠

The next day, Charlie had went through Phil's phone and deleted all of the photos of him and Dan, leaving the photos of himself in there. He finished conveniently right before Phil woke up.

His plan was going exactly the way he wanted it to.

 

≠dan≠

 

Meanwhile,

Dan while sitting on the couch locating inside of a certain Pj Liguori's living room.

A glass filled half way with wine, was balanced on the edge of the coffee table, as Dan spoke.

"I give up," He murmured as he stared at the stained off white carpeted floor longingly, as if it were a delicate piece of art. "He has what he wants and he's not going to give it up."

Pj just merely scoffed. "Don't act like Phil was your damn soulmate. He's just a guy, like many on this damn planet." His emerald orbs flickered over to the slouched figure on his sofa. Irritation was clear in his voice.

Dan glanced up at his angered friend. His gaze trailing down from the boy's hardened eyes, noticing just how attractive this boy with unruly curls was.

From his naturally curled chestnut colored hair, down to his piercing soft emerald eyes, and to his lips; His lips were like pastels smudged onto a canvas.

Dan couldn't explain his sudden attraction for the man sat across from him.

Maybe it was the alcohol?

Had he always felt that way for the kind boy?

Or had it just been the situation with Phil?

It wasn't like he could express his feelings for Pj, as he was already–

And that had been the moment when the man himself decided to snap Dan out of his thoughts, with his lips crashing onto Dan's oh so suddenly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a filler- I'm so sorry for the long wait. It's been so long I've just been feeling down lately it seems and i haven't had much inspiration. I'll try to update more frequently, but there's no guarantee- haha but thank you for reading this mess I call a chapter and have a good day! ;f


	23. .twenty three.

/seven years beforehand/

 

It was quite windy outside so the two boys couldn't swim as there was a rough current. So they decided to just walk across the beach, holding hands while talking about the most random things.

 

"Have you ever been in love Phil..?" The younger boy questioned with a slight nervous tone.

 

Phil looked down at his not quite yet boyfriend. "I believe I have." He had nodded.

 

With that Dan asked another question "What did it feel like?" He bit his lip and gripped the fifteen year olds hand tighter.

 

"Well.. it was like I never wanted to be without them and I always enjoyed their presence and just talking with them. I never kissed them. I wanted to but I haven't yet" He stopped himself there, looking down.

 

"Yet..? S-So.. you you're with someone now..? but you said" Tears began to form in the brunettes eyes and he pulled his hand away from Phil's instantly, hurt was clear in his eyes.

 

"Dan, no.. I meant, I I meant /you/ I love you.." Phil sighed, his cheeks turning crimson as he confessed.

 

"Oh.." Dan stood awkwardly, embarrassed and then he whispered. "I love you too, my stomach twists and turns every time we speak and I.. I never want to leave your side.." His lip quivered and he threw his arms around Phil, hugging him as tight as he could.

 

"Oh bear.. I love you, so much.." The raven haired boy sighed out happily, his arms wrapped tightly around the small boys waist.

 

–––––

 

They had been walking around a few shops nearby when Dan had spotted something. 

 

He gasped and led Phil over to the stand outside of the shop. "It's so pretty.." His fingers danced over the small blue and white petals on the flower crown. 

 

Phil smiled over at his boyfriend. "You should get it."

 

"I.. I can't afford it.. and it wouldnt even look good on me." Dan huffed out and puffed his cheeks slightly. 

 

"It would look perfect on you. I'll buy it for you." The older boy pecked his boyfriends cheek, picking up the flower crown.

 

"R-Really?" The brunette beamed at Phil, his lips pressed to his nose instantly afterwards, and giggling as Phil scrunched up his nose.

 

"Anything for you.." Phil smiled adoringly after him and paid for the flower crown. He knew it was worth it after seeing how happy it made Dan.

 

––––

/present time/

 

Dan held the dusty flower crown against his chest, whispering. "We'll be okay again soon, Philly.. I promise. I love you," He knew then how he was going to get Phil back. All it would take was a few questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so delayed !! But just stress piling on stress and I've been so tired and haven't had inspiration. I hope this makes up for it a bit ! If you enjoyed this please leave a comment and some kudos (:


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